Liberals vs. Conservatives - a Marketing Lesson

How do we save humanity?

No ma’am. the answer is definitely not having more human babies. This world is already overpopulated with humans. In fact, it’s been overpopulated with humans the minute the human race was born. 

Sí, humanos. Muchos.

So let me break the news to you, but before I do, just know you can choose not to feel guilty about “this news”. It is a choice. 

It’s very important, but not easy to do. You don’t have to feel guilty. You can turn the guilty switch off.

See, liberals, you will not achieve your goals, if you make people feel bad and guilty about themselves. You can definitely back up what you say with data and science, and proof, but I’m just saying, you only make people who already feel guilty angry. Nothing will change when you make them feel guilty or angry. So stop guilt tripping people! This is why you’re losing. 

People won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.

It’s mentally hard to face the truth. No one who feels bad about themselves would want to do anything about it! 

The conservatives are doing it right. Not like they’re doing the right thing. But they are doing it right. They blame foreigners. See, no guilt on themselves whatsoever. Clean conscience. 

The conservatives have also had a lot of experience in launching successful marketing campaigns in the past. 

The catholic church was a great example. It has established tremendous success by being the organization that invented all kinds of ways to shame people or for people to shame themselves, and on the other hand, they also had the authority to clean people’s conscience. 

Oh sure you can purify your soul and all sins are forgiven. Just have to pay for it. We take all major credit cards, Apple Pay and we even have a bitcoin wallet. It’s always a pleasure doing business with you.  <— (says the catholic church.)

And, ladies and gentlemen, is why “make America great again” is a great slogan. 

It sounds inspiring to the lizard brain. Telling me whales are dying just makes me want to crawl back to bed and sleep the whole day. 

Ok, so you don’t have to feel guilty. Now that I have managed to help you feel better about your conscience, like a newborn baby’s powdery cheek, remember I was breaking the news to you? 

You’re ready? Remember we were that the world is overpopulated with humans? 

The reason is because we’re the only species who take more than we need. 

Uh huh. Remember, you don’t have to feel guilty about it. It’s a choice. You can choose to not feel guilty. 

Did you stop feeling guilty for a second? Good. Use this second to think about how we can help the planet. In our own ways. However trivial you think it is. 

And liberals, it is our own fault that there are so many vegans out there. I personally don’t care about what everyone’s food preference is. You don’t have to drink honey with dead bees’ body parts.

It’s just I can’t stand some who are vegan and think they are on a higher moral ground, and they try to persuade others that they are better. 

And they are like that, because it helps them feel less guilty about their own existence. The more they convert, the more angelic vegans feel. 

We created vegans ourselves!!!

So you see, the lesson is that we need to find ways to help people feel less guilty. Instead, we need to inspire them. 

(You’re still a polar bear killer, though.)